i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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