i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
