I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
