grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
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I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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