So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's never too late to be topless.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
