kristin has been a bad kristin
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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