This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
