My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm really into asian looking animals
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Acid is not a monday night drug
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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