Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He passed out mid-signature
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
