I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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