did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
