If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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