I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
