Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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