Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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