Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
