I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
