I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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