is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?