no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
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She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least