I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Green mimosas i think yes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner