I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
