I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize