well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
