my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
