we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
