Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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