we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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