if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
