it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
