Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
don't judge my taste in strippers
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
