The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
