How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
