hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
