i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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