Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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