I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
