It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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