I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
