Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
