I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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