I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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