Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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