I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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