If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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