conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
