dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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