don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
