I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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