Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
