Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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