a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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