If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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