My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
