he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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