I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
